The Final PaperInterpersonal Communication

Section I: Background to my relationship with my father
I am the last born in a family of five children. Having been brought up by my aunt for
most of my childhood, my relationship with my father has been cordial but not particularly
close. Mine is an immigrant family, having moved to the US in the early 2000s when I was
only a year old. My mother’s unexpected pregnancy of me and my subsequent birth played a
big role in my family’s decision to move to the US. Even though he does not have a college
education, my father is a hardworking man with an acumen for retail trade. With four
children, he might have been able to scrap together a living for his family back in our home
country. However, my unexpected arrival complicated the prospects of him being able to do
that. Hence, the decision to move.
Once in the US, when the time came for me to start school, the decision was made to
have my aunt take custody of me. This was on the condition that she caters for my education.
Actually, the decision to bring me under her care was mostly hers, not my parents’. My older
siblings were already in school, and my father’s resources were overstretched. On the other
hand, my aunt had been in the US for at least a decade longer and was in a better financial
position. In the following section, while incorporating the concepts learned during the course,
I analyze the major turning points that influenced the development of the otherwise lukewarm
relationship with my father.
Section II: Analysis of major turning points and their impact on our relationship
The first turning point in our relationship occurred in my early childhood. Even
though I stayed with my aunt and schooled from her home, most weekends and religious
holidays were family time spent with my family. Most of that time was spent together with
my father and my other two brothers either on fishing expeditions, which my father

especially enjoyed or at football matches at the local community center. I had heard many
great things about my father from my aunt, thereby making perceptional contact with him.
Besides, time spent together presented opportunities for proximity and interactional contact
with him (DeVito 100). These were also moments for us to exercise our relationship’s
involvement and intimacy stages (Franiuk, Cohen and Pomerantz 45; Kansky 2). The
conversations we had during these activities helped increase our relationship’s breadth and
depth in line with the social penetration theory (J. A. DeVito 259).
The turning point in my early childhood happened on one of those weekends when a
fire broke out in one of the units in our apartment block. I must have been six or so. Even
though the fire brigade was called immediately, for some reason they delayed in arriving.
That was when my father seized the moment and mobilized our neighbors. Using
rudimentary methods like old blankets and pails of water, they were able to contain the fire
that was threatening to spread to other units so that by the time firefighters arrived, the fire
had been largely contained. My father’s heroic act endeared me to idolize him as a symbol of
power and protection. In terms of the attraction theory (J. A. DeVito 254) of relationships, I
was drawn to my father by his physical strength and strong-willed personality (J. A. DeVito
255).
The second turning point happened during my early teenage. Overall, my teenage
represented the toughest phase of my relationship with my father. I developed my own
opinions, and often, consistent with the relation dialects theory of relationships (J. A.
DeVito 258), there were arguments due to clashes of opinions and the unavoidable locking of
horns. Skateboarding with friends now replaced fishing expeditions and football matches
with my father and brothers. The former idolization I had for my father gave way to the
admiration of friends and celebrities.

The second turning point was triggered by one of those skateboarding adventures
gone bad. My father was always of the opinion that there was a safe and a risky way to
skateboard and that my friends and I were involved in the risky type, but I would take none of
it. All I cared about was that skateboarding gave the kind of thrill that fishing expeditions and
football matches could not. So this particular weekend, while attempting a really dangerous
skateboarding maneuver, I toppled and broke my neck, an accident that saw me spend two
weeks in the hospital and another two weeks recovering from home. In the meantime, I had to
miss school. This incident caused me to rethink my relationship with my father and the recent
tensions. I figured I had three options: accept the tensions as a natural part of relationships,
or rebalance my life by finding ways to skateboard while granting my father’s wishes for
safer skateboarding (J. A. DeVito 258). I opted for the latter, and our relationship became
smoother after I recovered from the accident.
The third turning point came during my late teens and when I was in senior school. It
involved my mother’s life-threatening illness. I remember coming back home from school
one evening and finding my aunt wearing a long face and looking more worried than ever
before. I asked her what the matter was. After a bit of beating about the bush and some
nagging on my part, she finally opened up. It turned out that earlier that afternoon, she had
received a phone call from my father, who had informed her that my mother had been taken
ill suddenly and rushed to the nearby hospital. The two had agreed that my aunt should
refrain from calling the school to break the news to me over the phone to not disrupt my
learning. Instead, she should wait until I returned home in the evening. Because it was a
Friday and my family and my aunt’s family lived in two different counties, my aunt decided
that we drive to the hospital, three hours away, early Saturday morning.

Up until now, my father and I had subtle differences between ourselves. Since the
skateboarding accident, I had come to accept that even though we may not agree on many
things, he likely knew more than I did on account of his age alone. In many ways, our
relationship had deteriorated, almost to the point of needing repair, bearing in mind that
family relationships are not the kind to be easily dissolved (J. A. DeVito 249-251). My
mother’s illness provided the opportunity to repair our relationship. United by the purpose of
praying for my mother’s recovery, we found ourselves talking again, empathetically, and in
ways to affirm and reassure one another.
The last turning point happened in my early adulthood. I was the only one of my
siblings to perform so well in senior school that I got a full university scholarship. While two
of my older siblings had made it to college, neither of them had excelled enough in secondary
school to win a full scholarship for their college education. This achievement made my father
extremely proud of me and caused him to reinforce and affirm me like never before (J. A.
DeVito 255), even more than he had done in my childhood. It also rekindled the repair of
our relationship that we had embarked on since my mother’s illness (J. A. DeVito 250). The
achievement also taught me one of the unwritten rules of family relationships (J. A.
DeVito 259): that as family members, we celebrate one another’s achievements, regardless of
any differences among us.
This turning point marked a new beginning in my relationship with my father.
Consistent with the politeness theory of relationships (J. A. DeVito 261), we became more
mutually respectful of each other. Whereas he might have preferred to lecture me earlier, now
we could sit down and reason like two grown-ups. He could even seek my advice on some
matters, something unheard of before.

Works Cited

DeVito, Joseph A. The Interpersonal Communication Book. Harlow: Pearson Education Ltd,

2016. Print.
      DeVito, Joseph A. Interpersonal Messages: Communication and Relationship Skills. Boston:
      Allyn & Bacon, 2011. Print.
      Franiuk, Renae, Dov Cohen and Eva Pomerantz. “Implicit theories of relationships:
      Implications for relationship satisfaction and longevity.” Personal Relationships
      (2002): 345-367.
      Kansky, Jessica. “What’s Love Got to Do With it? Romantic Relationships and Well-being.”
      Nobascholar (2018): 1-24. Web.